community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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