If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
