She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
