Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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