The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
