so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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