And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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