i don't like sucking hair
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
