I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
