Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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