Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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