i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
