It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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