so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
