do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
high people should be assigned attendants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
