who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
