apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
