By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
