So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
