thus making me awesome and them whores
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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