I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
