She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
