I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
