Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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