is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
