ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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