I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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