The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
