I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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