I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
