Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
