The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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