I wish I could teleport
Pappa wants mamma naked
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
