You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
