On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
