my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
