sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
