THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
