i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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