My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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