Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
