i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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