Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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