it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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