A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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