During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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