I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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