do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
