WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
