he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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