Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
