I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
